I Don't Know

If you have gone out with me before, you will know that mealtimes are a conundrum. My first answer will always be 'I don't know' when someone asks me what I want to eat. ALWAYS.  My relatives who live  in the UK commented that my habit is irresponsible and annoying. 

It's not that I'm irresponsible. Since young, I've tried to accept people's choices even though I didn't like them at first. Over time, I don't know what i dislike anymore. Most of the time I don't have a certain preference, so I try to accommodate to everyone's likes. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than knowing someone is feeling sour because of my choices. Could this be an Asian thing? Maybe not. 

Other than mealtimes, social group activities are a conundrum too. During camps, I often find myself running out of ideas when it comes to ice breaking activities because I don't know what I like and dislike. My palms will soon become sweaty and I will panic when it's my turn to describe myself. I will then chant 'What do I say... What do I say' mentally as a mantra and hope for the best. 

On a more serious note, my indecisiveness is affecting my decisions for further studies. Admiration is my first feeling when my friends tell me about their plans for the future. I can't help but ask myself "How do they decide? How does one distinguish their preferences? What about me?" The fact that I have to decide on a pre-U course in a few months time terrifies me. Of course I have had sporadic ambitions, but they are often ephemeral. Education fairs confuse me too due to the copious amounts of courses offered. And of course, my friends have suggested me to take online personality quizzes. Typical personality or career quizzes ask questions like your ideal working environment and whether you like to solitarily or with a group. These quizzes do not provide much help because I'm uncertain of most of my answers. For example, for some work I like to do it on my own, some I like to complete it as a group. It would be so much easier if I had more knowledge of what people from different careers do on a daily basis.

I hope that I can decide what my preferences are soon. Hmm... If only I had a dollar every time I said 'I don't know'.